Junior Apprentice: Week 2, Mitzi's Perspective

Hallo Darling,

Another lovely episode of the Apprentice. The task this week was to try and make something that would be impossible under any circumstances to use when you're going camping - a message I approve of, because it's so dangerous nowadays.

Anyway, the kids came up with some wonderful ideas, including a chest of drawers that could dissolve in water and drown you, and a small tray with wheels, that you could trip up on and break your neck if you went for a you-know-what outside the tent during the night. The chest of drawers was absolutely lovely because it was made of reinforced cardboard (which I think is cardboard enforced with more cardboard), and also because you could keep your shoes in it: there's quite a lot of things you can say that about, you can keep your shoes in shoeboxes, after all, or cupboards, or plastic bags, or cars, but it was wonderful that Adam had thought to design something special to do this. I thought that showed great originality, and he's such a lovely boy.

I thought Lord Sir Alan Lord Sugar faced a very difficult decision in the boardroom. Zoe had done everything right, but she's confident and blonde, three things which always ring alarm bells (the three things being: confidence, blondeness and that she's a she). Of course, Lord Sir Alan was never going to get rid of Adam - he's cut from the same cloth and obviously reminds Sir Sugar not so much of what he was like when he was a boy himself, but of what he's like now himself - because he makes terrible business decisions. But I very much liked Hibah, she was incapable of saying anything good about anyone or anything, which to me is always a good human quality.

VERDICT: in the end, Sir Alan made the RIGHT decision for the second week running, though I regret that he keeps on saying 'with regret' which I don't believe for a second. I think that's his favourite bit of the show!

Finally, Nick's expressions have been even more horrid this series, I wonder if he's got something wrong with his bottom? Or just with his lips? Or are the two somehow connected?

The Apprentice: Week 1 (and Fishballs and the Election)

Sometimes people say to me, Oh Mitzi, it must get very dull being in the Home, there's nothing to do! I wish they could have been with me this week, and then see what they think. I'm literally breathless! I can't catch my breath because things have been happening so quickly around here.

Firstly, the new Apprentice started with Sir Alan Lord Sugar, which I every much enjoyed, though the contestants seem to get younger every year! That seems to be the way nowadays, everything for the youth! In fact, I even noticed on the BBC News they've made a schoolboy, Little Michael Gove I call him, to be the head of education! which I think is wonderful, because he'll know what children today really want. He's such a nosh, I can't tell you what I'd like to do to his cheeks. If he wanted to have a sleepover here, I'd be first in the queue.

Karen and Nick seem a bit frosty with one another, but then you can't expect too much from Nick, he only divorced Margaret a little while ago. As for the hairy chap who couldn't put together his lunch boxes because he had wind, I thought Sir Alan Lord Sugar was very unfair - I've had wind just like that and it's hard to put your mind to anything else.

But so the Apprentice starting, that's one thing that happened. Secondly, there's been a delay in my appearing before the Committee about stealing Dolly's special cake. Not till Monday week now. Anyway, for the next ten days I'm going to try and get Dolly to put aside all her differences with me in a 'spirit of unity', just like David Cameroon and Nick Legg did for the national good, and in order that they could beat Tony Brown and become Prime Ministers.

So that's another thing. THIRDLY, I haven't eat a single fishball for two days now as I've run out, apart from the ones I frass at night from my bedside table, which don't count.

Busy enough? I think so! Last night I didn't even have to cry myself to sleep like I usually do, I just fell off anyway. That's the kind of week it's been.I tell you, I wouldn't mind if I could do a swap with Cameroon and Legg. All they seem to do is sit around gassing and smiling and holding hands with one another or their dolly birds! I bet they wouldn't swap with me, they'd be exhausted!