I've Had Enough Of This Election, It's Just Repeats

I can't believe they haven't had the vote by now. I thought it was supposed to have happened weeks ago. And they keep on showing the same debate with the three of them as a schedule filler, the same way they always repeat Countdown!

I still don't know who to vote for. My nephew Michael said the newspapers just found out Tony Brown had an affair with a singer called Duffy, so I expect he's out of the running. As for Tony Cameroon, I don't think he can be Prime Minister quite yet as apparently he's still at school at Eton - and he can only attend parliament when it's a half-holiday. Tony Legg I'm afraid I still haven't heard of. But I've got a funny hunch Vince Cable might be his long-lost father-in-law. I expect they probably play swingball together in Vince's garden with all the grandchildren, but don't quote me on that, that's just an old lady's intuition and also I haven't taken my pill.

My view is: all politicians are the same. Look at Hitler and Stalin - both maniacs. It wouldn't have mattered which one you'd voted for. I wouldn't have voted for either of them and, in fact, it's a good job they never stood against each other in a British General Election, because then I really would have been stuck to know where to put my cross.

Of course, thinking about it, they might not have been able to stand because they would have been illegal immigrants. But Tony Brown wouldn't mind, because he doesn't care about illegal immigrants, except - thinking it through - he does mind about bigots, so maybe he would have kicked them out after all, particularly if he was really Churchill. (I mention that about 'bigots' because apparently that's what Tony Brown and this Duffy girl like to call each other during their 'love-talk'.) Anyway, this is supposed to be a personal blog, not a history lesson.

And on the subject of personal, I'm personally still not talking to my best friend Dolly, after she personally never offered me a piece of her personal special cake - which I was personally very upset about personally! I'm not talking to her much more than she's not talking to me, so I'm already winning that one. If they were holding a General Election in Not Talking to someone, I'd win hands down, they wouldn't even need to do exit polls.

The stain in the bathroom isn't any better. I've tried using toothpaste to get rid of it, but if anything made it worse. I say bathroom, but I really mean toilet, and I'm beginning to think the stain might be The Other, because it's of a darker hue than is usual. Any tips about how to make some headway on it appreciated.

The Election hots up!

It's been a fascinating week because there's a general election in Britain and I must admit, I don't know who to vote for. I don't like any of them! Tony Brown's got like a funny way with him, I don't even know who this Tony Clegg is that everyone's talking about, and I can't stand Tony Cameron's wife. In fact, I don't like any of their wives, with their silly smiles and views on things - what do I care what some young dolly bird says?! I once wrote to the Prime Minister to get him to do something about curtain material - it's so thin nowadays, but all I got was what I call a no-thank-you-very-much letter. So I'm afraid I don't put much faith in politicians! I'm too old to believe anything can ever change for the better in any way whatsover at all!

Anyway, I shall be making up my mind who to vote for before election day which I won't forget because it coincides with when Malcolm does my hair - and in fact, I'm tickled pink because he did it yesterday and everyone - absolutely everyone remarked on how nice it was. Michael came round and said the queen mother herself couldn't look nicer, and that if I didn't 'watch out' they'd make me the new Dr Who assistant! But I don't think that's very likely! Apart from anything else, I've got very little acting experience (actually, none, but I'd say 'very little' if they asked).

Anyway, Dolly seems to be giving me the cold shoulder because she's under the impression that I ate her cake, which her son gave her. And in fact, I did eat it, but it was so dry I might as well have not bothered and in fact I think I spared her the disappointment - but I don't expect gratitude from that quarter! Anyway, she's been terribly worried because her grand-daughter was stuck in Italy because of the Icelandic volcano - about which, I may say, I've never heard so much codswallop! How can there be a volcano in Iceland - I suppose snow comes out of it, does it?! So the Met Office got that one wrong for starters again!

On another note, there's a stain the bathroom that I can't rid of, though I scrub and scrub.