Junior Apprentice: Week 3, Mitzi's Perspective

I don’t know how that man could do it. Such a lovely boy! How could Sir Alan Lord Sugar get rid of Rhys? He had such a nice smile and lovely manners! And he spoke so clearly. And his lovely little face. And he’s just a schoolboy! I cried myself to sleep last night after he’d been fired (not for the first time – and not for the first time thanks to Sir Alan Lord Sugar: that man!).

And it’s not just Lord Alan I’m cross with – it’s the other members of Rhys’s team. The way they ganged up against him. And all because he was such a good leader! He did everything right in my opinion. Whenever anyone had an idea, he’d say: that’s a good idea, do that. Very encouraging. And when he wasn’t approving other people’s ideas, he was walking around looking very upright and serious, just like a young Prince Charles. Again, very encouraging. And in the board room at the end, I thought he behaved with great dignity, when he accused everyone else of being in the wrong. To me he was a Noble Schoolboy.

In fact, speaking of schoolboys. I think it’s quite unfair that all the growns-ups, Sir Alan and Lady Karen and Nick, wear such grown up clothes. It must be very frightening for those kids! I’d like to see Sir Alan and the other two wearing school uniform to put the apprentices at their ease – I’d very much like to see Sir Alan and Nick wearing school uniforms.

They could both wear caps, with muddy cheeks, and dirty knees even! And Nick’s got a lovely cheeky grin. There could even be a ‘spin-off’ series, I think they call it, where Sir Alan and Nick get into scrapes, but it’s all OK in the end. And then viewers could write in to get to give them both a lovely tea – I’d certainly write in to do that, and so would some of the other ladies in the Home. I’d like to give Nick a great big tea. Really fill his plate. Watch him gobble it all down and then ask for “More, please, auntie!” I could really enjoy watching him tucking into buns and things. And so could some of the other ladies.

VERDICT: Absolutely no, not guilty, Rhys! Sir Alan Sugar should have got rid of one of the girls, as girls haven’t got a head for business.

Actually, I was also upset that Adam left as well. I think he’d eaten too many of those cakes and got a tummy ache, a bit like Nick might do if he ate too much of my tea. I’d quite like to give Adam a big tea, when he’s a bit older.

Junior Apprentice: Week 2, Mitzi's Perspective

Hallo Darling,

Another lovely episode of the Apprentice. The task this week was to try and make something that would be impossible under any circumstances to use when you're going camping - a message I approve of, because it's so dangerous nowadays.

Anyway, the kids came up with some wonderful ideas, including a chest of drawers that could dissolve in water and drown you, and a small tray with wheels, that you could trip up on and break your neck if you went for a you-know-what outside the tent during the night. The chest of drawers was absolutely lovely because it was made of reinforced cardboard (which I think is cardboard enforced with more cardboard), and also because you could keep your shoes in it: there's quite a lot of things you can say that about, you can keep your shoes in shoeboxes, after all, or cupboards, or plastic bags, or cars, but it was wonderful that Adam had thought to design something special to do this. I thought that showed great originality, and he's such a lovely boy.

I thought Lord Sir Alan Lord Sugar faced a very difficult decision in the boardroom. Zoe had done everything right, but she's confident and blonde, three things which always ring alarm bells (the three things being: confidence, blondeness and that she's a she). Of course, Lord Sir Alan was never going to get rid of Adam - he's cut from the same cloth and obviously reminds Sir Sugar not so much of what he was like when he was a boy himself, but of what he's like now himself - because he makes terrible business decisions. But I very much liked Hibah, she was incapable of saying anything good about anyone or anything, which to me is always a good human quality.

VERDICT: in the end, Sir Alan made the RIGHT decision for the second week running, though I regret that he keeps on saying 'with regret' which I don't believe for a second. I think that's his favourite bit of the show!

Finally, Nick's expressions have been even more horrid this series, I wonder if he's got something wrong with his bottom? Or just with his lips? Or are the two somehow connected?