Junior Apprentice: Who will Win? Mitzi's Perspective

My best friend Dolly says I've got a seventh sense about things, and it's true, I'm never wrong. I predicted who would win Britain's Got Talent! At least, they would have won if they'd got more votes. I got the X Factor right as well, except they didn't get to the final, but they would have won if they had. So now, everyone's asking, can you do it again, Mitzi? Can you get it right a third time, with the Junior Apprentice show? Well, let's see if my seventh sense is working!

The key is Sir Alan Lord Sugar of Alan. What's going on in his mind. I'm a very good judge of character - which is why I never married - and I've been studying the Lord very carefully the entire series. I know what makes him tick! And that's how I know who he's going to chose.

You see my seventh sense tells me Lord Alan doesn't think much of any of the candidates. I think he feels very let down by Arjun, Zoe, Kirsty and Tim - all of them. They only visit him once a week. And when they do visit him, they never bring flowers or even a treat, like just a snacky thing from M&S (I'm a nut for their mini-bagel bites), as though they've only come to see him out of duty. They never take him out or ask him round for dinner. Even a phone call, they never seem to phone him, he has to phone them in the morning so he can give them their task! And they never give him a lift, I've noticed he always has to get a mini-cab back to the Home.

I think he cries himself to sleep at night because his ungrateful apprentices don't care enough about him. All they're really interested in is his money. After all that he's done for them, and at his age as well.

And that's why I think there's going to be a twist in the tale! The Lord isn't going to chose any of the candidates to be his Junior Apprentice!

He's going to chose Nick! That's right, Nick. Can you imagine how surprised Nick'll be? How his face will light up? He'll say, Why me, Uncle Alan? And Sir Alan will say, Because you've been as good as gold all series! And then Nick will say, But what job am I going to do for you Uncle Alan? And Sir Sugar's going to say, You'll be my Chief Mischief Maker!

And then he'll give Nick a pea-shooter, and Nick will fire it at him and Sir Alan will be about to get very cross and shout at Nick! But then at the last moment, Nick will give one of his cheeky grins, and Sir Alan will say, I can't stay cross at you for long! And he'll give Nick a great big hug and a kiss on the lips. And then another kiss, just for luck! And then a third one. And then at least two more, both on the lips, including the third one, so all of them in other words.

So that's my prediction! Nick to win the Junior Apprentice! (And I'll enjoy watching that Karen's expression when she finds out; her nose will be right out of joint.)

Junior Apprentice, Week 4: Mitzi's Perspective

It's good news for Sir Alan of Sugar this week because Mitzi Sheinman's giving him the big thumb's up! I think he chose the right one to go in this week's Junior Apprentice! I've never been a fan of blondes (or brunettes, for that matter, or redheads (!), or any colour hair if it's a woman whose hair it is) but I think Lord Sir Alan was absolutely right to get rid of Hannah because, as he said, she was all very well in practice but what about on paper? Also, I didn't care for that mini-skirt she was always wearing, like she was on Top of the Pops!

Mind you, when it comes to blondes, I can't bear that Zoe! We all talk about her while we're watching in the Home. Her last name's Plummer, apparently, and Zuzzi said maybe she's Christopher Plummer's daughter from the Sound of Music, so I said, but I'm sure she's not a nun; and then Zuzzi said, well she wouldn't be anyway, because Christopher Plummer's an actor. And then Benny Shooster said, And Christopher Plummer wasn't a nun, he was a Captain. And I said, anyway, it was all made up. And then Dolly said, if her name was Zoe Andrews, then she might be a nun. Which was a very good point, because she meant Julie Andrews. And then I said, Oh what a voice. Pure as a bell. So we settled that one very amicably (the standard of conversation in the small television room is very, very high) but the point is, I've started to call Zoe "Silly Cynthia"! Whenever she comes on, I say, "Here's Silly Cynthia!", and it's a very good nickname! Everyone laughs - Dolly nearly swallowed her tangerine segment she was laughing so much. I don't know what made me come up with it.

Anyway, speaking of Benny Shooster, I think he's getting quite keen on me. He keeps on telling me not only am I beautiful on the outside, but I'm also beautiful on the inside. He meant to leave me some lovely white roses outside my door, but he got a bit mixed up and ended up leaving them outside Toilet Number 31 on the fourth floor and one of the old dears took a tumble and has to have another hip replacement. But it was very thoughtful of him, and I'm very flattered. I'm not giving him too much encouragement as I'm not ready to settle down yet. But I'm very flattered. Very flattered indeed.

VERDICT: Well done, Sir Alan! I agree one hundred and ten per cent literally that you got rid of one of the girls.

(One last thing: a lot of women have written in agreeing with me how much they'd like to give Nick a really good tea, and I was thinking the same thing again watching this week's Junior Apprentice; except not just a tea, but a nice hot bath as well! His knees would stick out of the hot water, and I'd give them a good scrub with the sponge, and then he'd say: "More hot, auntie!"; then he'd get into his pajamas and dressing gown and I'd give him baked beans on toast (though not if I'd given him tea as well, in which case it's straight up to bed, no books).